10 Ways to Help Kids Heal After Divorce

10 Ways to Help Kids Heal After Divorce. Written by a Mom who's been there.

I was divorced several years ago when my three girls were 4, 7, and 9 years old. As difficult as the situation was, we pulled together and became a stronger family unit despite the trial. Divorce is a terrible thing to go through for the whole family, but one that can give you an opportunity to teach your children how to deal with painful, life changing situations. Here’s some tips on how we made it through this time together. Remember, this does not have to define you or your kids. You can get through this!

You are stronger because of your past challenges

1. Do not talk badly about their other parent to them or around them. Not even if you think they are in the other room and won’t hear you. Kids have a way of sneaking up on you and overhearing things without you realizing it. They should not hear bad things about their other parent because they define themselves as an extension of both of their parents. Also, they need to feel free to love both of their parents, not that they have to pick sides.

2. Be a good listener and let your kids vent their hurt, frustrations and sadness to you. Try not to get defensive and don’t blame the other parent. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know they can trust you and you won’t get angry when they tell you how they really feel.

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10 Ways to Heal After Divorce

10 Ways to Heal After Divorce

How do you heal and feel whole again after getting divorced? Several years ago, I was divorced after ten years of marriage, with three small children. No matter how much it was the right decision for me, it was still cause of great heartache and turmoil. I had to pull it together for my kids and show them that we were stronger than this. The kids needed to heal too and figure out their new center as well. (Look for a future article on helping kids through a divorce.)

Here’s 10 tips from someone who has been there, with ideas that helped me get through it and helped me find myself again. Things are looking great on the other side. You can get there too.

1. Don’t give time or energy to those that don’t understand or who say things in ignorance or mean-spiritedness. Try not to take negative comments or prying questions personally. Think of simple, non-specific answers to the prying questions of “Why did you get divorced? or What happened?” and recite them like a broken record. You could say, “Things just didn’t go the way we had planned.” Or “We just decided this was the best decision.” Some people have “foot-in-mouth” syndrome and don’t realize what they are saying is hurtful. If they are a toxic person and what they say and do hurts, dump them. You don’t need friends like that. Surround yourself with friends and family that support you.  

Don’t listen to your negative self-talk either. Playing the blame game or “if-only” will not help and will get you stuck in that state. Focus on the amazing person that you are and strive to become the person you want to be.

You are good enough quote

 

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Feeling Peace, Finding Forgiveness

Forgiveness is about being at peace. Forgiveness is about your happiness, not the one who hurt you. Learn to let go of past pain and move on toward peace.

Do you ever find yourself stuck thinking about what someone did that hurt you and you find anger and frustration building up inside? Does forgiveness seem impossible because the person doesn’t care about what they did or they haven’t asked for forgiveness? Maybe they have asked for it, but their actions hurt you greatly and seem too big to ever forgive.

Forgiveness is about being at peace. Forgiveness is about you and your happiness, not the one who hurt you. When we forgive, we are no longer controlled by the things that happened to us and we can move on with life. When we continue to carry the hurt and pain around, the person that hurt us continues to have space inside our head. DON’T give them that space.

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